Awe

I am not a fan of the term “pleasantly surprised”. Whenever I say that I’m pleasantly surprised about something it’s because I pessimistically expected worse and now that the outcome has turned out better than predicted, I’m “pleasantly surprised”. I almost always say this with a snarky-ass tone and a smirk on my face. It’s rarely—if EVER—said with joy, let alone gratitude, or even a modicum relief!

I recognize that my penchant for pessimism is because of my trauma. I’ve been through some shit, so when I see something similar about to go down, I assume it’s going to go the same way. But there’s a famous phrase about assumption…

Fortunately, I find myself “pleasantly surprised” less and less these days. Not because I’ve stopped rehearsing tragedy (as Brené Brown would call it), but because I’ve stopped placing expectations on so much of my life. And let me let you in on a little secret, Beloveds: when you stop placing expectations, you make room for awe.

Awe! Be still, my heart! It’s probably my most favorite feeling.

Awe is wonder felt viscerally. Awe happens when the things you couldn’t even imagine, that you never even dreamed of, materialize before you. When you’re surprised on a level that brings you joy, gratitude, AND relief! Awe restores your faith, gives you hope, and simultaneously makes you question your sanity. Awe opens your eyes and your heart. Awe shows you miracles.

Awe sounds HUGE, doesn’t it? Even LIFE ALERTING, right?

And it can be. That’s the awe I find when I’m working with you, my clients. In our reiki sessions, there’s no shortage of miracles.

But I also find awe in small things. The way my partner has the same eye freckles that I have. The song that the tall grass on the hill by my house sings when the wind blows through it. Flowers that grow through concrete. The unprovoked kindness of complete strangers. When there’s so much perfect beauty in every moment of life, how can I possibly find myself “pleasantly surprised”?

Sometimes my cynical nature gets the better of me, but most days. I’m just searching for my next fix of Awe.